


The hectic marvel group chat!!

by Summer1902 (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Chaos, Drama, Hilarity, Irondad, Spideypool - Freeform, i love the avengers, superhero family, transgender spiderman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-01-11 22:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 13,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18433586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Summer1902
Summary: This is a group chat with some characters from marvel and I will eventually add more characters in!!I hope you enjoy reading this!!





	1. Screen names

**Author's Note:**

> This is a group chat fanfic so I’m not really experienced!!

Screen names:

Tony Stark: (Ironboiss) 

Peter Parker: (Spider-kid)

Natasha Romanov: (deadlyassassin)

Clint Barton: (arrowboy)

Laura Barton: (justashieldagent)

Thor: (hammerqueen)

Steve Rogers: (godsrighteousman)

Sam Wilson: (birdboy)

Pepper Potts: (CEOlady) 

Bruce Banner: (biggreenandstupid)

Stephen strange: (itsakindofmagic)

Loki Odinson: (Imnotdeadyet)

Wanda Maximoff: (magicmaximoff)

Pietro Maximoff: (dontstopmenow)

Wade Wilson: (killerqueen)

Bucky Barnes: (metalarmdude)

peter quill: (starmunch)

gamora: (deadliestwoman)


	2. The start of the groups!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hilarity and chaos ensues!!

Boss ass bitches:

(CEOlady): hey nat! How are you?

(Deadlyassassin): im good, amazing actually. How are things with you and tony? ;)

(CEOlady): oh yeah that’s going great if you know what I mean. ;)

(justashieldagent): did you forget I was in this group?

(deadlyassassin): what no, ur always so quiet and u keep to urself a lot!

(CEOlady): I didn’t forget about you either Laura i swear on my expensive bag that tony bought me yesterday!!!

(justashieldagent):ok showoff just bc ur bf is rich doesn’t mean u have to rub it in!

(deadlyassassin):ok I’m gonna go before this gets weird! Bye dorks!

/deadlyassassin is offline/

 

THE BARTON HOUSEHOLD!!!

(arrowboy): hey baby, how’s your day going?

(justashieldagent): it’s been ok, I got a bit annoyed with pepper earlier but you know how these things are. We’ll be besties again tomorrow!!!

(arrowboy): aww honey, I’m sorry to hear that but like you said you’ll be the best of friends by tomorrow!!!

(justashieldagent): yeah, I hope so anyway! I’m going to go take a nap! See you tomorrow Clint!!

(arrowboy): see ya xxxxxxx

(justashieldagent): xxxxxxx

 

The avengers!

(arrowboy): hey stark what’s going on with pepper and Laura?

(ironboiss): idk I’ll talk to Pepper Abt it later she’s working on a drawing!

(deadlyassassin): umm was this abt the fight on the gc earlier bc I can fill in the deets!

(arrowboy): thanks nat!! Can we talk alone tho?

(deadlyassassin): sure!!

 

arrowassassin

(arrowboy): what’s going on?

——— to be continued —————


	3. Peters feelings!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter expresses his sadness to his aunt Natasha who helps him talk about it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I made this one depressing! And this has a bit of irl talking and stuff like that so yeh!

(arrowboy): what’s going on?

(deadlyassassin): pepper and Laura got in a fight bc me and pepper were talking abt our lives and Laura asked if we had forgotten about her. Pepper said she hadn’t and she swore on “the new bag tony got her!” Laura got annoyed bc she was bragging abt her rich bf!! And yeh she was rlly annoyed!!!!!

(arrowboy): okay, I’m going to buy her something nice! Any ideas what to get?

(deadlyassassin): chocolate and flowers!! She will send u this emoji for days: 😍

(arrowboy): yeah ok thanks nat, where do you come up with this stuff though? If I were you I would stop reading too much!! It makes u more intelligent and I need someone to be dumb with me!!

(deadlyassassin): ok Clint, have fun at the supermarket!!

Irondad and spiderson

(spiderkid): umm tony...

(Ironboiss): yeah what’s up Peter?

(Spiderkid): i feel sad about something and I need to tell you what it is because I’ll feel so much better if i tell you!

(Ironboiss): go ahead I’m all ears!

(Spiderkid): I feel so lonely all the time... I never get enough time to hang out with you and the rest of the avengers! I feel like everyone’s forgotten about me! I know that you said school is important but can I take a break for a couple of weeks? I feel so sad all the time! 😭

(Ironboiss): of course you can take some time off school Peter... did you really think the team had forgotten about you? Because they talk about you coming over here so much that if I hear their crazy ideas one more time my head will explode! They talk about you every second of every day! 

(Spiderkid): no they don’t your just making it up!!

(Ironboiss): nope! And you can take three weeks off school to hang out with the team and bring a friend! There’s so many rooms in the tower I don’t know what to do with them!

(Spiderkid): thanks tony 🙂😁😄😃😀😆

(Ironboiss): no problemo kid!

 

The avengers!

(Ironboiss): alrighty everyone HES COMING OVER!!!!!

(Arrowboy) YASSSSSSS

(birdboy): yayy

(deadlyassassin): rlly sam? Yayy? More like yasssssssssss queeeeen!

(Ironboiss): ur damn right!!! GN everyone!! Iron man out!!!

/Ironboiss is offline/  
/deadlyassassin is offline/  
/arrowboy is offline/  
/birdboy is offline/

Spider girl and spider boy

(Deadlyassassin): hey kid, ur dad said u we’re planning on staying at the tower! That’s awesome!

(Spiderkid): yeah I’m so glad I get to see you tomorrow auntie nat!!

(deadlyassassin): and I’m so glad I get to spend three weeks with my favourite nephew!

(Spiderkid): im your only nephew!!

(Deadlyassassin): ur still my fave!!!

(Spiderkid): ok... can I talk to you about something?

(Deadlyassassin): sure kid!

(Spiderkid): you have to promise not to tell anyone!!!

(Deadlyassassin): I promise! 

(Spiderkid): okay... I’m a little bit depressed! And I know why but it sometimes feels like I don’t have a reason for being so upset!

(Deadlyassassin): I’m coming over to your house to pick you up! I’ll take you to the old warehouse we can talk there! I’ll pick up McDonald’s too!

(Spiderkid): ok thanks auntie nat! Ur my favourite auntie!!

(Deadlyassassin): and I’m one of five so that means a lot!!

(Spiderkid): can you get here quietly Dad’s in bed sleeping and he never sleeps so I don’t wanna wake him!

(Deadlyassassin): yep, I’m already there!

*************************************  
Real life events:

Peter “hey auntie nat”  
Natasha “hi kid, come here!”  
She pulls him into possibly the tightest hug he’s ever experienced and doesn’t let go until he can’t breathe with how tight she’s holding him!  
Natasha “let’s go kid, you can lay down in the back seats because I know you’re tired!”  
Peter “thanks for coming here, auntie nat!”  
They hop into the car and Natasha drives them to McDonald’s to pick up the food. Eventually they eat the food and Natasha drives them to the warehouse near the harbour. Peter falls asleep on the way there.  
Natasha “Peter come on we’re here, time to get up!”  
Peter “ughhh what time is it? Five more minutes pleaseeee!”  
Natasha “two minutes and we are getting out of this car! My legs need to move!”  
Peter “ugghhhh fine let’s go!”  
Natasha “come on kid let’s go inside.”  
She puts her arm around his shoulders and he lays his head down on hers as they walk inside the warehouse.


	4. Penny Parker?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are introduced to Peter’s dilemma of telling his dad a certain secret   
> It’s not Peter anymore it’s penny!

Chapter 4 

Peter and Natasha walk inside the warehouse and sit on the couch that Natasha bought for emergencies. Peter laid his head on her shoulder while she rubbed her thumb on his hand.   
“Peter you have to talk about it!” She whispered softly.  
“I will but just let me relax for a minute, I feel weird.” He whispered back.  
“Ok, what do you mean by you feel weird?”  
“I feel a bit dizzy, it’s not that bad but if I move too quickly it’ll get worse.”  
“Ok, maybe you should get some sleep! How long have you been awake?”  
“Umm... 37 hours!”  
“Oh my god, that’s not good! You need to sleep now!”  
“I’m fine...*yawn*... ok I’ll get some sleep!”  
“That’s what I thought!”  
Peter was asleep thirteen minutes later and Natasha was on the chair next to the couch. She was desperately looking for a way to tell tony what they were doing, she knew he would be mad and he would probably demand an explanation then have Natasha killed and Peter grounded. She couldn’t let that happen because the poor kid had probably been tortured with whatever was happening in his head enough. He didn’t need to be grounded on top of that. 

Shield downfall squad

(Deadlyassassin): guys I need help!  
(Godsrighteousman): yeah what’s up?  
(Birdboy): what’s going on?  
(Deadlyassassin): Peter and I are at the warehouse for reasons of our own and I don’t wanna get Peter grounded so I need you guys to help me!!!!

(Birdboy): I’m omw!

(Godsrighteousman): same!

(Deadlyassassin): thanks guys! Ps he’s asleep on the couch so ur gonna have to be quiet!

(Godsrighteousman): poor kid, what’s even going on with him?

(Deadlyassassin) umm... her...

(Godsrighteousman): OH well I think she is a nice kid!

(Birdboy) what does she want her name to be?

(Deadlyassassin) penny

(Godsrighteousman) 👍🏻 that’s an amazing name!!

(Birdboy) is penny awake?

(Deadlyassassin) yep 👍🏻 

(Godsrighteousman) add her to the chat!

(Spiderkid) hey everyone... so you’ve heard about me being transgender...

(Godsrighteousman) I just want you to know that we love you all the same and does your dad know?

(Spiderkid) dad doesn’t know yet and I’m not sure when I’m gonna tell him...

(Deadlyassassin) do you want us to tell him for you?

(Spiderkid) no I’ll do it so that he hears it from me instead of hearing it from someone else!

(Birdboy) ok penny but your uncle Steve’s right we love you all the same! You know that right?

(Spiderkid) yeah I know Uncle Sam! Thanks guys! I love you too xx

(Godsrighteousman) xxxxxxx

(Birdboy) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Beat that Steve!!!

(Godsrighteousman) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Beat that nat!

(Deadlyassassin) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Ok I’m done I’m too lazy to type how much I rlly love you guys! It would take yrs!

(Spiderkid) thanks so much guys!!

(Godsrighteousman) don’t worry about it penny!

(Birdboy) were on our way there penny hang tight!!

(Spiderkid) see u soon xx


	5. Acceptance!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny tells everyone and they love her anyway!

Chapter 5:

Shield downfall squad

(Godsrighteousman): nat we’re here! Where are you?

(Birdboy): yeah we took the Jeep!

(Deadlyassassin): yay I love the Jeep thanks guys!

(Spiderkid): omg I hate the Jeep!! It smells like bubblegum and vodka!!

(Godsrighteousman): probably because a) we have a bubblegum air freshener b) because we always drink vodka in the back of the Jeep!!

(Birdboy): ur supposed to be a good superhero not an alcoholic basket-case!!

(Godsrighteousman): says u Birdboy!!

(Deadlyassassin): STOP IT!!!

(Birdboy): ok nat jeez!!!

(Godsrighteousman): stop spoiling our fun!!

(Spiderkid): ok we’re going to get in the car in two minutes! Stop!!

(Godsrighteousman): ok penny!

(Spiderkid): see you in a minute!  
————————————————  
Irondad and spiderson

(Spiderkid): hi dad!

(Ironboiss): hey kid what’s up?

(Spiderkid): umm I need to tell you something important...

(Ironboiss): yeah go ahead kid!

(Spiderkid): I’m transgender...

(Ironboiss): ok...

(Spiderkid): are you ok with that?

(Ironboiss): why wouldn’t I be?

(Spiderkid): some people think it’s weird...

(Ironboiss): you’ll always be my kid whether you’re a boy or a girl! And also do u like boys or girls or both?

(Spiderkid): both

(Ironboiss): I’ve experienced it all kid, there’s nothing I haven’t done before! I don’t care who u like or what u like you will always be my kid!

(Spiderkid): thanks dad xx

(Ironboiss): no problem kid xxx  
————————————————

The avengers

(Spiderkid): I have an announcement to make!!

(Hammerqueen): yes dearest spider child?

(Biggreenandstupid): what’s up?

(Ironboiss): is this about that thing u told me?

(Spiderkid): I’m transgender!

(Hammerqueen): and we still love you!!

(Biggreenandstupid): yep we will always love u xx

(Spiderkid): if you love me save me from uncle Steve and uncle sams carpool karaoke!!!! They sound like 💩!!!

(Godsrighteousman): THANKS!!!!

(Birdboy): we do NOT!!!

(Deadlyassassin): I’m with the kid on this one guys!!! You sound like death!!  
————————————————  
Irondad and spiderson 

/Ironboiss changed the group name to irondad and spiderdaughter/

(Spiderkid): thanks dad!

(Ironboiss): no problem kid xx  
————————————————


	6. T-series vs pewdiepie!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pewdiepie gang vs the t-series gang!

Chapter 6:

The avengers 

(Deadlyassassin): has anyone heard from Clint or Laura lately?

(Ironboiss): nope not lately! Pepper said they were going somewhere romantic 👉🏻👌🏻 if u know what I mean 😘😘 👉🏻👌🏻🍆🍑

(Spiderkid): eww 🤮🤢 we all know what you mean 🤮🤢

(Godsrighteousman): I have a confession: I’ve never done the devils tango!

(Ironboiss): hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

(Birdboy): it’s not that funny tony!!

(Ironboiss): it’s hilarious!!

/CEOlady was added to the chat/

(CEOlady): it’s not funny TONY!!!

(Ironboiss): it is so!!

(Spiderkid): I’ve never done it either uncle Steve!!

(Ironboiss): ur a kid ur not meant to!!

(Birdboy): I’ve never done it either!!

(Ironboiss): lol Wilson???!!! Not u too!!!!

(Birdboy): yep!

(Ironboiss): Jesus Christ ppl!

(Spiderkid): hey who subbed to t-series?! If you did then I’m blocking you!

(Ironboiss): gasp* who did it?

(Godsrighteousman): pewdiepie all the way!!

(Birdboy):same bro!!

(Ironboiss): ayy congratulations it’s a celebration!

(Spiderkid): Party all day I know you’ve been waiting!!

(Godsrighteousman): ayy congratulations it’s a celebration!

(Birdboy): I just wanna tell u that I think that ur amazing!

(Biggreenandstupid): good morning 👊🏻 pewdiepie all da way!

(Hammerqueen): 👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

(Ironboiss): let’s go to ikea! I’m in the mood for Swedish meatballs!!

(Godsrighteousman): let’s go boiss and girls!!

(Birdboy): Bruce, Thor are u guys coming?

(Hammerqueen): you know it!!

(Biggreenandstupid): defo boiss!!  
————————————————  
T-series Gang 

(CEOlady): where’s my girls at?

(Deadlyassassin): right here!

(Justashieldagent): here!

(CEOlady): tseries won!!!!

(Deadlyassassin): yayy

(Justashieldagent): yayyyy  
————————————————


	7. Flying monkeys galore!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I understood that reference!

T-series Gang 

(CEOlady): I married a pewdiepie lover!!! That is the biggest sin I have ever committed!!

(Deadlyassassin): my niece is a pewdiepie lover!!

(Justashieldagent): my husband and niece are pewdiepie lovers!!

(CEOlady): my daughter is a pewdiepie lover too!!!

/spiderkid was added to the chat/

(Spiderkid): t-series lost!!!! Pewdiepie beat a music company with a song 😂 

(CEOlady): thank you sweetheart I already knew that xx

(Spiderkid): ok mother!! Xxxx love you bye xx

(CEOlady): bye xx

/spiderkid left the chat/

(Justashieldagent): yay the pewdiepie lovers gone!!

(CEOlady): that’s my daughter your talking about!! But yayyy!!

(Justashieldagent): Sorry Pepper!!

(Deadlyassassin): I love that kid even if she is a pewdiepie lover!!

(CEOlady): bye I’m off to do something important with tony!   
👉🏻👌🏻🍆🍑

(Deadlyassassin): ooooooh pepper has a boner!!

(Justashieldagent): she’s a girl stupid!!

(CEOlady): bye girlfriends!! Love ya!

(Deadlyassassin): ly2 xx

(Justashieldagent): ly2 xxxxx  
————————————————  
PEWDIEPIE SQUAD!!!

(Ironboiss): me and pepper are off to do the deed! 👉🏻👌🏻🍆🍑!

(Spiderkid): jeez dad! 🤮🤢 u and mom have done it enough this week!!

(Hammerqueen): my bro is getting it!!

(Biggreenandstupid): woop woop!

(Ironboiss): yes my boiss!! My lovely wife is in bed waiting for me and I think she told the girls that she was getting it!

(Spiderkid): I second that mom just said she told them!

(Ironboiss): r u in the t-series group daughter?

(Spiderkid): mom added me but I left after saying I loved her twice!

(Ironboiss): u traitor!!

(Spiderkid): I’m the only girl in this group!!

(Ironboiss): what about Natasha?

(Spiderkid): she’s part of the T-series squad!

(Ironboiss): what????!!!!! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

(Spiderkid): I’m so sorry dad! 😞😞☹️☹️ I’ll go kill auntie nat for u!!!

(Ironboiss): thank you my daughter!! Fly away now!! Off you go my flying monkey!!!

(Godsrighteousman): I understood that reference!  
————————————————


	8. Panic attack??

Chapter 8:

Spidergirls

(Spiderkid): auntie nat?

(Deadlyassassin): what’s up sweetheart?

(Spiderkid): dads upset that you’re a T-series lover!

(Deadlyassassin): well that’s not his concern!

(Spiderkid): there’s something else...

(Deadlyassassin): yeah...

(Spiderkid): I need you to pick me up...

(Deadlyassassin): what happened?!

(Spiderkid): I don’t even know I just cant sleep...

(Deadlyassassin): ok sweetie are you okay?

(Spiderkid): I’m fine!

(Deadlyassassin): 95% of the time you don’t mean that...

(Spiderkid): you’re right I don’t mean it but can you please hurry! I can’t spend another second in this bathroom!

(Deadlyassassin): why are you in the bathroom?

(Spiderkid): I don’t feel good!

(Deadlyassassin): I’m coming penny!!

(Spiderkid): thanks!   
—————————————————  
Back in Black widow!!

(Deadlyassassin): go check on your daughter!!

(Ironboiss): why?!

(Deadlyassassin): just go!!!

(Ironboiss): Jesus Christ she’s on the bathroom floor throwing up!

(Deadlyassassin): poor kid!

(Ironboiss): how did you know what was going on?

(Deadlyassassin): I cant say...

(Ironboiss): NATASHA!!!

(Deadlyassassin): is she gonna be ok?

(Ironboiss): she cant breathe... so I don’t think so!!!

(Deadlyassassin): hey... calm down!

(Ironboiss): I CANT! MY DAUGHTER IS UNABLE TO BREATHE!!!!

(Deadlyassassin): tony it’ll be ok... tell her to talk to you about what’s going on and she’ll be fine...

(Ironboiss): if this doesn’t work i don’t think I’ll be able to breathe...

(Deadlyassassin): it’s ok just calm down...

(Ironboiss): ok im fine but she’s still like that...

(Deadlyassassin): give her the phone...

(Ironboiss): hey auntie nat what’s going on with me?

(Deadlyassassin): ok kid I think you’re having a panic attack now tell your dad to go into his room and I’m coming over there right now so don’t freak out!

(Ironboiss): ok should I do anything else?

(Deadlyassassin): just try to breathe... and maybe put cold water on your face!

(Ironboiss): ok I’m better now but I still can’t breathe properly...

(Deadlyassassin): I’m at the tower now... 

(Ironboiss): is that you at the door?

(Deadlyassassin): yes

(Ironboiss): ok come in

(Deadlyassassin): ok  
—————————————————  
T-series squad

(CEOlady): nat is penny ok?

(Deadlyassassin): she’s fine now!

(CEOlady): ok tony told me what happened and he nearly started crying!

(Deadlyassassin): she’s fine!!

/spiderkid was added to the chat/

(Spiderkid): I’m fine mom!

(CEOlady): ok sweetheart you’re not going out tonight!

(Spiderkid): I wasn’t exactly planning to...

(CEOlady): good!  
—————————————————  
Iron man and iron woman

(Ironboiss): pepper?

(CEOlady): yeah?

(Ironboiss): let’s go to bed 😏😉🍆🍑👉🏻👌🏻

(CEOlady): yay!  
—————————————————


	9. The Avengers Carnival!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the avengers go to their annual carnival!  
> little do they know that this year will be a little more exciting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about all the drama! I didn't know what to do while I was writing so I just added tons of drama! today is a little bit more funny! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ **the carnival group** _

 

(ironboiss): is everybody ready for the most spectacular carnival yet?

(killerqueen): yassssss!

(spiderkid): you know it dad!

(CEOlady): yep xx

(deadlyassassin): make sure you all charge your phones!!!

(spiderkid): I'm buying everyone a portable charger!!

(hammerqueen): yay now I don't have to return home to get my portable charger!

(birdboy):thor why would you even think about going back to asgard? its carnival day!! for gods sake!

(godsrighteousman): ok who's bringing the money for snacks?

(Imnotdeadyet):meeeeee!!!

(spiderkid): thanks uncle Loki!!

(Imnotdeadyet): you're welcome baby spider!!

(ironboiss): who's bringing the alcohol?

(godsrighteousman): that would be me!!

(birdboy): nooo Steve you drink vodka straight from the bottle!!

(godsrighteousman): so does thors lady friend!

(hammerqueen): Valkyrie drinks everything from the bottle! she doesn't have time to transfer it into a glass!!

(godsrighteousman): haha Sam!!!

(godsrighteousman): oops autocorrect I meant birdboy!!!

(birdboy): I hate you!!!!!

(deadlyassassin): ENOUGH BOYS!!!

(ironboiss): where's the twins?

(itsakindofmagic): they're with me getting dresses and suits!!

(magicmaximoff): I'm wearing a red dress!!!!! 

(deadlyassassin): you're gorgeous whatever you're wearing!!

(dontstopmenow): ugh just get back to dress shopping Wanda!!

(magicmaximoff): love you Nat!! xxxxxx

(magicmaximoff): leave me alone Pietro!!!

(dontstopmenow): whatever!

(itsakindofmagic): these twins are adorable can I keep them?

(deadlyassassin): you're not keeping my baby!!

(itsakindofmagic): ok but I'm keeping mine!!

(dontstopmenow): xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(itsakindofmagic): yep I'm defo keeping you!!

(ironboiss): who wants a ride in the limo?

(deadlyassassin): everyone, Wanda can sit on my lap if there aren't enough seats!

(itsakindofmagic): Pietro can sit on my lap!!

(CEOlady): I'm sitting on tonys lap!

(arrowboy): Laura can sit on my lap!!

(ironboiss): welcome back to the land of the living Clint!!

(arrowboy): thanks tony!

(killerqueen) penny is sitting on my lap!!!

(spiderkid): yay thanks wade!!

(killerqueen): no problem baby!

(ironboiss): omg penny you have a bf??

(CEOlady): why are we always the last ones to know everything!!

(spiderkid): bc no offense but everyone else is a bit easier to talk to!!

(ironboiss): un-freaking-believable

(CEOlady): chill out tony!! she's right you know, we are harder to talk to because we expect so much from her!

(ironboiss): all I expect from penny is that she must be back home before two am when she goes out!! she doesn't have anymore rules!!

(CEOlady): were still harder to talk to!!

(hammerqueen): when are we leaving? 

(ironboiss): forty-five minutes!

(metalarmdude): guess who's back, back again?

(killerqueen): Bucky's back, tell a friend!!

(spiderkid): guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back

(arrowboy): guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back

(ironboiss): guess who's back!

(CEOlady): I hate Eminem!!!

(ironboiss): what the f**k

(spiderkid): ????????????????????????? penny.exe has stopped working

(CEOlady):kidding! | I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to see marshal no more they want shady, I'm chopped liver!

(spiderkid): well if you want shady this is what ill give ya:

(biggreenandstupid): a little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor!

(godsrighteousman): some vodka that'll jumpstart my heart quicker than a shock

(birdboy): when I got shocked at the hospital by the doctor when I'm not cooperating

(hammerqueen): when I'm rocking the table while he's operating!

* * *

(ironboiss): now here's a concept that works, twenty million other white rappers emerge!

(killerqueen): but no matter how many fish in the sea it would be so empty without me!

(ironboiss): ok we're done!!

(metalarmdude): did we rlly just type out pretty much the whole song?

(spiderkid): yep!

(ironboiss):ok kids is everybody ready for a bunch of Eminem songs blasting on the Bluetooth limo speakers? happys driving btw!

(spiderkid): yay, psst wade its time to get drunk!

(killerqueen): yay!

(CEOlady): PENNY!!!

(ironboiss): she's been drinking every year for the past five yrs no one said anything pepper!!

(CEOlady): were horrible parents!!

(ironboiss): ikr!

(spiderkid): ur awesome parents bc u let me do whatever I want!!

(ironboiss): lets go b**ches

* * *

real life events:

in the limo:

(brandy, you're a fine girl is playing on the Bluetooth speakers)

tony " hey this is the song from Charlie's angels!"

pepper " someone should go and call quill!"

penny " ill do it!"

call:

"hello?"

"hi uncle peter!"

"hey penny! what's up?"

"were listening to brandy! in the back of a limo!"

"the sailor said brandy you're a fine girl,

" what a good wife you would be!"

"but my life my love and my lady is the sea!"

"everyone's singing it now!"

"put me on speaker!"

"ok, you're on speaker now!"

"is that my tape that's playing?"

"its on my iPhone! I downloaded all the songs from your tape just in case you lost the tape and came here to stay!"

"oh my god I love this song! its slow but its amazing! thanks penny!"

"bring it to me bring your sweet loving, bring it on home to me!"

"you know ill always be your slave, till I'm barely, barely in my grave!"

"ok I've got to go uncle peter! bye I love you!"

"bye, penny love you too!"

\------

tony "is he alright?"

penny "I don't think so!"

pepper "it sounded like he was crying?"

tony "do you have a call recording app?"

penny "you know me too well!"

pepper "play it back!"

the call is played back and it does sound like peter was crying. he was obviously upset about something.

penny "maybe gamora broke up with him?"

tony "oh they danced to that slow song you were playing! they definitely broke up!!"

pepper "poor guy! lets go see him tomorrow!"

thor "hey guys were here!"

penny "yay, come on baby!"

wade "coming babe!"

penny and wade ran straight for the boys bathroom no doubt to kiss and the rest of them went to the rides.

Natasha "Wanda lets go spy on penny and wade!" 

Wanda "good idea babe!"

Pietro "pervs let them kiss!"

Wanda "piss off!" 

the giant speakers start playing "hit me with your best shot" penny and wade run out of the bathroom screaming the words and then start kissing in front of everyone.

everyone starts clapping and cheering as the kissing intensifies. 

wade "hit me with your best shot, babe!"

penny "ok!"

everyone is watching the couple and its just like a romance movie. tony somehow came out of the control room with a basket of rose petals and threw handfuls of them over wade and penny. Wanda and Natasha took the opportunity to start kissing and pepper grabbed tony by the hips and leaped into his arms. tony just managed to catch her before she fell and everyone was clapping and cheering and yelling names!

Sam "whoop get it penny!"

Steve "ok Sam get your ass over here and film this!"

thor "Bruce? are you alright?"

Bruce grabbed thors face and kissed him hard.

Bruce "now I am!" 

everyone was happy, even peter quill who made an appearance at nine pm. he was supplied with videos of everyone kissing and immediately cheered up. he was ecstatic for everyone else but he couldn't help thinking of gamora. penny and wade took this as an invitation to get gamora over there.

peter "is that gamora?"

there were tears in his eyes and penny immediately regretted doing what she did. she ran over to her uncle and hugged him.

penny "what's wrong uncle peter?"

peter "nothing! she looks so pretty! I cant believe we broke up!"

he starts crying silently so penny tells wade to put on a slow song. two minutes later "because of you" starts playing. penny grabs peters arm and drags him over to gamora. she tells wade to push gamora into peters arms and they start to dance to the beautiful song. penny grabs wade and starts dancing with him they dance elegantly and wade leans in to kiss penny and gamora and peter do the same. the others soon join in dancing at the same slow speed.

peter "I love you gamora!"

gamora "I love you more than the universe peter quill!"

they kiss each other while they dance and the universe is perfect again. it turns out that penny and wade both got drunk but because of wades ability to burn off the alcohol he was only drunk for five minutes. so wade carried penny bridal style to the limo and sat down in the backseat with penny still in his arms. he turned on the radio and listened to penny's playlist full of slow songs. 

everyone else was in the limo ten minutes later and smiled at the sight of wade and penny asleep. wade was sitting on the seat with penny in his arms her head against his chest. they kept the slow songs on and drove home.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need feedback so please comment and tell me what you would like to see in this story!


	10. Thor’s family drama

Chapter 9: --- Real life events: 

Bruce woke up on Saturday morning at a ridiculously early time and decided that he would spend the day with Tony. He got out of bed and ran to the shower which was warm and calming. He quickly washed and got changed into comfortable clothes. He picked up his phone and realised he had a missed call and three texts from Thor. He was panicking about it because Thor never usually texted him at all. He opened the texts and was shocked to find that Odin had died and Thor was at a safe house in L.A trying to figure out what to do with his life. He immediately ran to the elevator and asked FRIDAY to take him to the first floor. He sprinted out the door so fast he thought his legs would break. He looked in his pocket for his car keys and pressed the button to unlock the car. He shoved the key in the ignition and drove off probably breaking a billion laws with the way he was driving. He drove to the nearest airport and bought a first class ticket and he bought his and Thors first class tickets back. Thor was sitting on the rather uncomfortable couch thinking of all the wonderful memories of his father. He kept thinking of him and eventually he ended up sobbing into a pillow alone and scared. Why did he have to die? Where did he go? Is he with mother now? Is he in Valhalla now? Is mother okay? He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the fact that pretty much everyone he cared about was dead. He hoped Bruce had got his texts because he felt so alone. Bruce was sitting on the comfortable seat of the plane and tapping on the window pane with his fingertips. He was so worried about Thor that he couldn’t enjoy the luxuries of first class. He had spent so much money on this ticket and yet he found it so horrible. He was thinking about calling Thor and asking him if he was ok but of course he already knew the answer to that question. Why would anyone be ok when their father just died? His parents died when he was nineteen and it was the worst experience ever. He was in a college lecture when the principal told him the bad news and he ran out of the office to his dorm room,packed his things and left for seven weeks. He didn’t talk to anyone in those weeks and the funeral was the only time he left the house. He ate rarely and couldn’t sleep well. God how was Thor coping with this? He thought long and hard about it before eventually he fell asleep. He woke up about ten minutes before the plane landed from the pain in his ears. He always hated planes for that reason. He ran to the car and got inside. He drove away to the safe house that Thor was in. Thor was still sobbing into the pillow his entire body shaking as he cried loudly. He missed his family so much and he wasn’t sure he could cope with it when Bruce walked in dropping his bags at the door and running over to Thor hugging him tight. “Its okay, Im here!   
“My entire family...is dead! Its not okay!  
You’re Right im sorry!”   
“No, you don’t have anything to be sorry for! It is hela who has to be sorry!”   
“No, Thor your father wouldn’t want you to spend your life trying to kill her!”  
“My father doesn’t have a say in what I do anymore!  
“He’s looking down on you right now telling you not to waste your time with that snake!  
“No he isn’t because he has better things to do in the afterlife!”  
“Ok were going back to the tower tomorrow because this isn’t exactly comfortable!!

Fine!”  
He stormed off to his room and slammed the door behind him. Bruce collapsed onto the couch and sighed. Maybe Thor had it worse than he did. His entire family and some of his friends had died. But so had Bruce’s s, maybe Thor felt more sad about it than he did. Either way he should probably get some sleep because they had a long day ahead of them. He drifted into the peaceful world of sleep, in which he was at peace where no one could ever hurt him. His family were there and his friends were there too. It was paradise. All good things must come to an end though, and unfortunately the startling alarm sound was enough to end this good thing. It was time to get up and start the day like he had twenty four hours ago and forty eight hours ago and before that. Every day was a gift but sometimes the gift wouldn’t be as good as the one before. He was feeling bad for Thor because he must feel like there’s no hope in the world!


	11. Thor's Family Drama Part Two!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's family drama ends!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki is still alive sorry if I confused you!  
> hope you enjoy this chapter!!

chapter 11

they were driving to the airport and Bruce was making sure they had their first class tickets. Thor had decided that he would sleep on the plane so he drove them to the airport. he had gotten his driving license after asgard was destroyed. he figured he would need to learn how to drive a car. the events of the carnival were constantly playing over and over in their heads. they found that they had both liked their kiss, they weren't sure what to do next though. the kiss was intense and the fact that Bruce practically jumped into thors arms afterwards made it even more intense. they had no idea what to do about their relationship and it hurt. they were in love with each other but neither one could bring themselves to tell the other. Bruce turned on the radio and the song "take me out" had just started playing.  
the words of the song meant something to Bruce. "I know I wont be leaving here, with you" it was as if the song was about thor and Bruce. "I say, take me out!" he wanted thor to take him out desperately. thor had pulled over for some unknown reason and Bruce looked over into thors beautiful blue eyes. thor leaned in and kissed Bruce gently. the song "happy together" came on and it was if the world was watching them and knew exactly what was happening. Bruce took out his phone and started texting once they had finished kissing.  
everyone in a group chat!  
(biggreenandstupid): my heart is racing and tony I need you to come pick me and thor up, I cant go on a first class flight back home rn I need ur private jet!!!  
(ironboiss): sure thing bro, r u and thor going out now?  
(hammerqueen): idk r we Bruce?  
(biggreenandstupid): hell yassssss!!!  
(deadlyassassin): ayy congratulations  
(spiderkid): its a celebration!  
(killerqueen): party all day I know you been waiting!  
(birdboy): ayy congratulations!  
(godsrighteousman): its a celebration!  
(magicmaximoff):I just wanna tell you that I think that you're amazing!!  
(spiderkid): hey wade feel like a drive?  
(killerqueen): on the motorcycle?  
(spiderkid): Yass  
(killerqueen): lets go! wait who's driving?  
(spiderkid): me!  
(killerqueen): yay lets go!! bye bros!  
(spiderkid): peace out I'm off to kiss my bf!  
(ironboiss): that better not be my old motorcycle!  
(spiderkid): it is!  
(ironboiss): use my new one!!  
(spiderkid): thanks dad!! bye xxxxxx  
(ironboiss): bye baby spider!! xx  
(hammerqueen): bye lovebirds!!  
(spiderkid): bye uncle thor!! and uncle Bruce!!  
(biggreenandstupid): bye kid!!  
(ironboiss): ok so the private jet?  
(biggreenandstupid): yep!  
(ironboiss): not a problem ill get Nat to fly it to you now!!  
(biggreenandstupid): ok thanks tony!!  
(ironboiss): anything for my bros!!

 

thor was smiling for the first time since the carnival and Bruce thought it was adorable. they knew Natasha was going to be there soon and they were really excited to get on the private jet for the first time. Bruce was going over the movie 16 candles in his head because right now his life was pretty much a remake of it except it wasn't his birthday. he was samantha and thor was jake. jake finally noticed samantha and they were a couple, it was the same with thor and bruce. suddenly a familliar porsche pulled up two feet away from them and out came natasha who explained that she had the jet at the airport and they needed to get in the car. when they got in the car they were greeted with loud rock music Natasha told them the name of the song "rockstar" by nickelback. Bruce already knew the name of the song but thor didnt.

they eventually got to the airport and got on the plane, friday would drive the car back home and they would fly on the jet. friday was an amazing AI or so everyone thought. when they got on the jet they were greeted with champagne and a big bedroom. after ten minutes of sitting on the couch doing nothing they moved to the bed. 

Natasha was flying the plane so she didnt hear anything but the cabin crew probably did because there was loud eminem music playing. overall the flight was amazing but Natasha had to go wake thor and bruce up because they had both fallen asleep. they got back to the tower in a limo and Bruce fell asleep in the limo too. Thor pulled Bruce into his chest so he was comfortable and since Natasha was driving she didnt see anything because she was too focused on getting them all home.

when they finally got home Bruce was being carried bridal style to Thor's room. the entire team including wade saw it and they smiled at the precious sight.   
they were home


	12. CaptainFalcon! (sam and steve)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all about Sam and Steve or as I like to call them CaptainFalcon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the songs mentioned are from my playlists on YouTube music!  
> my email is: summerafinch@outlook.com if you would like a link to the playlist then email me!

**Chapter 12**

* * *

CaptainFalcon!

(birdboy): hey are we still going out tonight? xx                                                                                                                                      

(godsrighteousman): yes! what car or should we take my motorcycle? xx                                                                                                

(birdboy): I've got something I want to try out! xx                                                                                                                                   

(godsrighteousman): sounds fun! xx                                                                                                                                                       

(birdboy): it will be! xx                                                                                                                                                                            

(godsrighteousman): ok so were leaving at eight right? xx                                                                                                                      

(birdboy): yep! xx                                                                                                                                                                                   

(godsrighteousman): ok I'm getting ready! xx                                                                                                                                         

(birdboy): me too! xx                                                                                                                                                                              

(godsrighteousman): I love you! xx                                                                                                                                                 

(birdboy): I love you too! xx                                                                                                                                                                       

* * *

real life events:

Sam: "hey babe! are you ready?"

Steve: "I'm so ready!"

Sam: "Let's go then!"

Steve: "Where's the car?"

Sam: "We aren't taking the car babe!"

Steve: "Well what are we doi- WOAH!"

Sam grabs Steve by the hand and they fly off into the sky. Sam decided earlier to use the falcon suit because Steve loves flying. You would think someone who crashed a plane and got stuck in ice for seventy years would be a little more scared of flying. Steve was like Sam though he loved flying no matter what it was he was flying. Steve was reassured by Sam that he would be fine but of course he never had any doubts. Sam was more than capable of saving him if he fell.

Steve: "I feel like I'm on top of the world! this is amazing babe!"

Sam: "I know it is! I come up here when I need to get away from the drama!"

Steve: "You can always talk to me if you're upset or anything, you know that right?"

Sam: "I know babe, but sometimes I like being alone. it helps a lot!"

Steve: "ok but you need to take me up here more often!"

Sam: "deal!"

Sam took them to a rooftop and gave Steve a bottle of champagne. Steve put his head on Sam's shoulder and watched the sunset.

Steve: "it really is beautiful!"

Sam: "And so are you!"

Steve pulls sams head over to him and stares into his big brown eyes. Sam closes the gap between them and kisses Steve gently.

Sam: "now that was the highlight of my week! oh and don't forget the other kisses this week they were all amazing!"

Steve: "I love you babe!"

Sam: "I love you too!"

Steve takes the falcon suit from Sam and puts it on. He picks Sam up bridal style and flies all around new York before heading back to the tower. when they got back they ran down the hallway hand in hand straight to their bedroom. no one else slept that night but they got the best sleep they've ever had. 

 


	13. just dance episode 1 with mj!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mj visits penny in the tower and they play on the Kinect!

**Chapter 13**

* * *

everyone in a group chat!

(spiderkid): hey everyone, I'm here to remind you not to embarrass me in front of mj and wade that includes you!

(killerqueen): wdym?

(spiderkid): don't to that weird thing you do with your katanas!

(killerqueen): oh that ok I wont! promise! xx

(spiderkid): xx

(ironboiss): well how about we get the old Kinect out and ill go buy just dance 2019 bc we forgot to get it!

(spiderkid): ok thanks daddy! xx

(killerqueen): lol ur seventeen and u call him daddy! xx

(spiderkid): shut up wade this is a serious matter! xx

(ironboiss): lol even when ur p*ssed off at each other u send each other xx

(spiderkid): yes is that bad?

(ironboiss): no me and your mother never do that though we just ignore each other!

(killerqueen): you need to fix that!

(CEOlady): we really do! come on tony lets go _fix it_ !!!

(ironboiss): yay lets go do that then!! xx 

(spiderkid): gross!

(killerqueen): lol!! 8--)

(spiderkid): wade!!!!  xx

(killerqueen): what? xx

(spiderkid): NVM! xx

* * *

losers

(notmichelle): hey happy just pulled the car up outside!

(spiderkid): yay I'm so excited mj! I'm coming down with wade now!

(killerqueen): hey dorks!

(notmichelle): hi Wilson!

(spiderkid): move it wade were going to the car now! xx

(killerqueen): kk bby xx

* * *

real life events:

mj: "hey let's play just dance!"

tony "ill get the Kinect! now how in the hell did I know what you would be playing!"

penny: "go get the Kinect dad!"

tony: "ok chill!"

the Kinect sensor is set up in front of them and mj starts the game up. she picks her favourite song "I'm an albatraoz" by aronchupa, the song starts and mj executes the dance moves perfectly and penny and wade follow her lead and do the exact same. the team end up sitting on the couch watching the three friends dance to the loud music. they had all heard that song so much because whenever penny got to choose the songs in the car she would pick that one. it was wades turn to choose and he chose finesse by Bruno mars and cardi b. they all danced in sync and got it perfectly. tony decided to join and they replayed the song so he got used to it. tony picked familiar by Liam Payne. they kept getting it perfectly so they swapped out wade and mj for Natasha and Steve and the results were exactly the same. eventually they switched to just dance unlimited and picked handclap which the entire team got a turn with. the best were obviously wade, penny and mj because they had been playing that game since they were five years old and before that they would just dance to music normally. Steve decided to play sugar by maroon five little did he know that he wouldn't get a chance to play it because penny started singing it while it was playing and she sounded amazing. so amazing in fact that no one could focus on the screen. wade decided to join her and soon everyone was singing. they turned off the Xbox and penny pulled out the old Bluetooth speakers to play her party playlist. "timber" by Kesha and Pitbull started to play and everyone was dancing with a partner. wade and penny were dancing the best and mj alternated between Natasha and Wanda. suddenly "wonderwall" came on and everyone was slow dancing. wade was singing the song to penny and penny was gripping the back of his shirt. when he sang the words "you're my wonderwall" she threw herself into his arms and kissed him passionately. its amazing how a simple game of just dance can lead to kissing.

penny: "I said maybe, you're gonna be the on that saves me!"

wade: "and after all, you're my wonderwall!"

the last song in penny's playlist came on "oh my love" by the score. everyone was shouting the words even Bruce and thor.

everyone: "oh my love let me be your fire were a thousand miles up and were bout to get higher!"

tony: "feel my heart beating out my chest!"

penny and wade: "you're the only prayer I need to make me feel blessed!"

when the song was finished they watched the fresh prince of bel air. when the theme tune came on they all sang it. mj eventually had to go home and by that time the day was nearly done. wade and penny went up to bed and slept until nine am.


	14. the guardians of the baby spider!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter and gamora are left to babysit penny and wade when the avengers get called in on a mission.

** Chapter 14 **

* * *

everyone in a group chat!

(ironboiss): Avengers, Assemble!

(godsrighteousman): ok!

(biggreenandstupid): code green?

(ironboiss): yeah!

(deadlyassassin): who's babysitting?

(starmunch): me!!

(deadliestwoman): and me!!

(ironboiss): alright lets go avengers! PS wade is with penny!

(starmunch): her bf? who is a merc?

(deadliestwoman): yay finally I get to meet Deadpool!

(starmunch): ok... are they going to be going out?

(spiderkid): nope were staying inside (wades depressed)

(killerqueen): am not!!

(deadliestwoman): really?

(killerqueen): my friends are annoying me rn!

(spiderkid): depressed! if you weren't then you wouldn't be listening to impossible by James Arthur!

(killerqueen): and if your done with embarrassing me... 

(ironboiss): lol!!!!! :)

(spiderkid): depressed!

(killerqueen): well actually yes (I cant die) so what happens when everyone I love dies? I cant die with them!!!!

(spiderkid): sorry, are you annoyed at me?

(killerqueen): a bit yes!

(ironboiss): young love am I right?

(spiderkid): shut up dad!! mom help!!

(CEOlady): my mom senses are tingling what's up?

(spiderkid): scroll up!

(CEOlady): TONY DONT PISS HER OFF!!!!! AND DONT PISS WADE OFF EITHER!!!

(ironboiss): sorry! ill make it up to you later I'm on the quinjet rn w the squad!!

(killerqueen): I'm going to go stab someone bc I feel like it!

(spiderkid): wade get back in the room we need to talk!

(spiderkid): please?

(killerqueen): leave me alone please babe!

(spiderkid): I'm here to be annoying, that's the reason I was born, I'm sorry I pissed you off but I need you to come back to my room!

(killerqueen): no I'm busy!

(spiderkid): you better not be killing someone rn!

(killerqueen): watch me!

(spiderkid): Wade Wilson get back in the room so I can kick your ass!!

(killerqueen): no babe I'm sorry!

(spiderkid): omg everyone else can stop reading this just for drama!

(deadlyassassin): sorry!

(birdboy): ok but you need to leave him to his killing spree! he's helping us kill that giant monster thing!

(killerqueen): ok that son of a b*tch needs to die I cant stab him without getting stabbed myself!!

(spiderkid): and spidergirl is on her way!

(ironboiss): penny go home right now!!

(deadliestwoman): I'm coming with her! peter you can stay there!

(starmunch): ok ill be watching footloose!

(spiderkid): noooooo! wade you little b*tch you shouldn't have left the damn house!!! wtf is that monster!

(CEOlady): enough of that language young lady! god I sound like my mother!

(spiderkid): you really do sound like grandma! but how does wade regenerate an entire body?

(killerqueen): because I do! xxxxxx

(spiderkid): baby! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(killerqueen): babe! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(spiderkid): you're alive!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(killerqueen): did I not just tell you I cant die?! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(spiderkid): oh yeah! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(ironboiss): ugh hefik3brejtvoriunqv eritu327139845rhikhnrgkjmernoi3u5y487ey538uewty98476092385-0834ytgiurehtquoirhf!

(CEOlady): wtf?!!

(birdboy): you have broken your father penny!!!!

(deadliestwoman): and I have broken that monster with wade and Natasha's assistance!

(ironboiss): lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(ironboiss): Avengers, Disassemble!

(godsrighteousman): bye!!!

(birdboy): bye!!!

 

 

 


	15. Bullies am I right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny and wade kick some bullies butts!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry this chapters late I was really busy with an English essay!

**Chapter 15** ****

 

* * *

Spideypool bitches!

(killerqueen):hey beautiful how’s your day going? Xxx

(spiderkid): it’s going great but ned is getting bullied by flash and his friends and idk what to do!

(killerqueen): I’ll come over there right now! 

(Spiderkid): ok babe thanks I love you! Xx

(killerqueen): I love you too, beautiful! Xx

(Spiderkid): you’re beautiful too! Xx

(killerqueen): not as beautiful as you! Xx

(spiderkid): ok babe but you are still beautiful! Xx

**-————————————————-  
**

**real life events:**

Penny: hey Ned!

Ned: yeah penny?

penny: wades coming to deal with them!

She points her finger cautiously at flash and his friends.

Ned: he doesn’t have to do that!

penny: he wants to! Believe me when I tell you all he was doing at home was watching emotional movies that he wasn’t interested in!

Ned: you must speak from experience!

Penny: yep! So how long have they been bothering you?

Ned: about a week why?

Penny: just wondering

Ned: ok! So when’s wade coming?

penny: right... now!

as she says the word now Wade struts into the classroom and picks flash up by the collar and drags him outside. He then goes back for his associates. Outside flash and his friends get the beating of their lives and make a promise to never bully anyone ever again. He then drags them back into the classroom, whispers something to ned and walks over to penny and kisses her cheek. After that he bids them all farewell and walks out as if nothing happened.

Spideypool bitches!

(spiderkid): that was awesome babe! Xxxxxxxx I’m definitely taking you out for dinner!!

(killerqueen): it’s all in a days work for deadpool the bully’s worst enemy!

(spiderkid): lol xxxxx see u later baby xxxxx

(killerqueen): see u! Xxxxxxxxxxx

 


	16. Venezuela?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper. Venezuela. Depression. Wade and penny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late I was really busy!

Chapter 16  
\---  
Everyone in a group chat!!  
(Spiderkid): hey wade remember your birthday? Well it’s my bday soon so I need to ask something!

(Killerqueen): anything baby! Xxxxxx

(Spiderkid): I want the best bday party ever!!!! Xx

(Killerqueen): anything for you babe! Xxx

(Ironboiss): ok bday party coming right up! Xxx love u baby spider!

(Spiderkid): thanks daddy! Love you too! Xxx btw has anyone seen mom?

(Godsrighteousman): umm I need to tell you something penny and Tony...

(Ironboiss): ok switch to private chat!

Iron, vibranium, spider!

(Godsrighteousman): umm pepper is...

(Ironboiss): out with it capsicle!

(Godsrighteousman): she’s in Venezuela...

(Spiderkid): what???!!!!!

(Godsrighteousman): she ran away to Venezuela because of some argument between her and Laura...

(Ironboiss): ok I’m gonna be offline for a while!

(Godsrighteousman): Tony, I’m coming to your room now!

(Ironboiss): thanks Steve, penny I’ll be fine but go hang with wade for a couple of days...

(Spiderkid): but I can’t leave you on your own!

(Ironboiss): I’ve got your uncle Steve, I’m not alone!

(Spiderkid): uncle Steve?

(Godsrighteousman): yes?

(Spiderkid): look after my dad, please?

(Godsrighteousman): of course sweetheart!

(Spiderkid): ok I’m packing my stuff and heading to the bar with wade!

(Godsrighteousman): no drinking! (Only a little bit)

(Ironboiss): well your mothers not here so you can do what you want!

(Spiderkid): ok thanks dad and take care of yourself ps me and wade are flying to Venezuela to look for mom bye!!

(Ironboiss): penny no!

/spiderkid has left the chat/

(Godsrighteousman): and the damn country!!!

(Ironboiss): Steve i need you to come to my room now I think I’m depressed!

(Godsrighteousman): ok I’m here I’m knocking on the door now!  
————————————————————————


	17. Peppers back!

Mission impossible

(Ironboiss): Steve I need h2o now!!!!

(Godsrighteousman): I’m coming tony!

(Birdboy): what happened?

(Ironboiss): i can’t say it or I’ll start crying again!

(Godsrighteousman): is it ok if I say it?

(Ironboiss): yes...

(Godsrighteousman): pepper left the country and flew to Venezuela and wade and penny are trying to find her...

(Ironboiss): ok I’m crying again!

(Godsrighteousman): I’m omw!

(Ironboiss): i feel so useless!

(Spiderkid): dad ur not useless I’m trying to find her!!!

(Ironboiss): I’m a useless husband... i should’ve been there for her!!!

(Spiderkid): you were and your not a useless husband... wade might ask me to marry him!

(Ironboiss): i don’t have the energy to be a dad right now I’m wasting my energy on sobbing into a pillow!

(Spiderkid): you’ll be fine dad and stop crying!

(Godsrighteousman): tony I’m at your door open up!

(Ironboiss): i can’t get up!!

(Godsrighteousman): come on tony!

(Ironboiss): i mean it... I think I’m so exhausted that I can’t move anything but my fingers I can’t even move my head!

(Godsrighteousman): are you being serious?

(Ironboiss): yes please help!!!

(Godsrighteousman): ok you’re lucky I can trick Jarvis!!

(Ironboiss): thanks! Oh Jesus I’m gonna throw up! Oh wait no I’m not!

(Godsrighteousman): ok I’m in! Woah tony what happened to your room?

(Ironboiss): i trashed it now come over to my bed!!!

(Godsrighteousman): ok and tony? You’re going to be fine!

(Ironboiss): no I’m not!

(Godsrighteousman): penny and wade will find her! I’m here for you until then!

(Ironboiss): ok hurry up and go to my bed!! Are you in the lounge?

(Godsrighteousman): yeah... you really trashed this place!

(Ironboiss): I’m sorry I’m such a mess!

(Godsrighteousman): you’re not a mess and If you are then so am I!

(Ironboiss): ok can you please hurry up?

(Godsrighteousman): I’m here! Can you move? Or talk?

(Ironboiss): I’m trying to move but I can’t! I can sort of talk though but my voice is a bit weird!

(Godsrighteousman): it’s ok I’ll get you to Bruce!

(Ironboiss): how??

(Godsrighteousman): I’m strong enough to carry you!

(Ironboiss): no no no no no Rogers not happening!

(Godsrighteousman): would you like me to knock you out and drag you down there?!

(Ironboiss): no...

(Godsrighteousman): I’m carrying you then!  
\---  
Real life events:

Steve: hey tony!   
Tony tries to move but can’t so he starts to get stressed.  
Steve: shhh it’s ok don’t get upset about it!  
Tony: how can I not... ow Steve it hurts now! Owww... Steve...help please?  
Steve: shh I’m taking you to Bruce now! You’re going to be ok! Calm down a bit! I’ve got you!  
Tony: I need to see penny!!!  
Steve: she’s not coming back yet! She’s looking for pepper remember?  
Tony: I need her now!!!  
Steve: we’re going to get Bruce and he’s going to help! Ok?   
Tony: I want to see penny!!!  
Pepper: ok tony you’ll see her soon but she took a late flight!  
Tony: pepper!!! Owwww it hurts!  
Pepper: ok calm down and Bruce is going to help!  
Tony: where’s penny and wade??  
Pepper: they’re on a plane...tony? Tony? what happened Steve?   
Steve: I think he passed out! We really need to get him to Bruce!  
Bruce: don’t worry I came to him! What happened? Pepper you’re back? Where’d you go?   
Pepper: Venezuela! Is he going to be ok dr banner?  
Bruce: he’ll be fine!  
Tony suddenly stirs awake and jumps at the sight of pepper. He didn’t remember seeing her about two minutes ago.  
Tony: pepper!! Where’s penny and wade?  
Pepper: they’ll be here soon! They had to take a different plane!  
Tony: oh... ok...  
Pepper: I’m sorry I ran off! I was pissed off! I don’t know why I did that!  
Tony: it’s ok baby! Come here!  
Pepper and Tony hug for a brief second and then Tony kisses her gently. About three hours later penny and wade make their way home courtesy of happy hogan.  
\---


	18. Mostly group chats!

# Chapter 18  
Iron dad and spider daughter

(Ironboiss): hey penny! What happened with you and wade last night? 😉😉😙😚😂🤣😂

(Spiderkid): ughhhhhhh stop it daddy!!!

(Ironboiss): nope! I take pleasure in annoying you! It’s ok if you did the deed last night! Me and your mom do it every night (and day)!

(Spiderkid): eww gross! And me and wade didn’t do it last night or any other night! We were TALKING!!!

(Ironboiss): sure jan!

(Spiderkid): enough with the memes and vines! You don’t use them properly! And can you help me with something for wade?

(Ironboiss): one: i can use any meme or vine i want  
second: sure baby xx

(Spiderkid): ok come to my room?!

(Ironboiss): ok 👌🏻 

(Spiderkid): and bring uncle Bruce!!!

(Ironboiss): why?!

(Spiderkid): we might need medical help!

(Ironboiss): i might but you won’t be doing anything even remotely dangerous! I love you too much to let you get hurt!

(Spiderkid): ok daddy but can you be careful? I don’t want you to get hurt either!! Especially with your heart problems!

(Ironboiss): baby I’ll be fine! But I’ll bring uncle Bruce just in case!

(Spiderkid): ok xx see you soon!  
Byeeeee!

I’ve got the power

(Magicmaximoff): hey kids!

(Itsakindofmagic): sup maximoff

(Magicmaximoff): nothin Wuu2?

(Itsakindofmagic): I’m laying in bed being lazy as usual!

(Magicmaximoff): sounds fun can I come over?

(Itsakindofmagic): sure! Can you bring popcorn I feel like watching Netflix!

(Magicmaximoff): sure! What flavour I’ve got: sweet, salty and toffee!

(Itsakindofmagic): toffee! You know I love it! What movie are we watching?

(Magicmaximoff): we could watch the hitmans bodyguard again! I love it!!

(Itsakindofmagic): ok cool now hurry up I have Netflix on my tv and the bed is warm so I don’t wanna move!

(Magicmaximoff): I’m coming Stephen!! Oh god there’s someone knocking on my door! I’m going to look through the peep hole!

(Itsakindofmagic): who is it?

(Magicmaximoff): oh no it’s Pietro and he’s crying his eyes out! Who the hell did this?

(Itsakindofmagic): I’m coming over!! Movies can wait!

Real life events:

Pietro: wanda...it hurts!  
Wanda pulls the sleeves of his shirt up to reveal two broken and bleeding arms.  
Wanda: shh brother, it will be alright!  
Pietro: no it hurts! It won’t be ok! Where’s Stephen? I need to see him!  
Stephen suddenly opens the door with his magic and runs to Pietro and pulls his arms into his hands.  
Stephen: I’ll heal your arms baby! It’s ok! Everything will be fine I’m going to make sure everything doesn’t hurt!  
Pietro: im tired...im going to sleep! Goodnight!  
Stephen: no babe don’t sleep! Stay awake for me!  
Pietro: i cant! I feel so tired!   
Pietro Passes out in Stephen and Wanda’s arms.  
Stephen: baby come on wake up! You can’t sleep yet! I need you to help me!  
Pietro’s eyes fly open and his breathing is heavy.  
Pietro: what happened to me? Wanda what happened? Stephen why are you here? Why am I here?  
Stephen grabs pietro’s hand and kisses it.  
Stephen: nothing happened! I’m just glad you’re here!  
\---


	19. Wade?? Where are you?

# Chapter 19  
Spideypool time!

(Spiderkid): where are you babe? 

(Killerqueen): I don’t know!

(Spiderkid): wade what happened are you okay? Send me your location I’ll come and pick you up!

(Killerqueen): I think my leg is broken it hurts a lot and I think my head is bleeding! And I’ll send you my location in a sec!

/Killerqueen shared their location/

(Spiderkid): ok call me please? I’ll be there soon but I want to hear your voice!

(Killerqueen): ok

Call:

Penny: babe are you ok?  
Wade: (voice breaks) no...it hurts so much!  
Penny: I know baby! I’m coming but can you try and stay still? For me?  
Wade: I’ll try but no promises! Ow babe hurry up! I need you here! It hurts! (Screaming in pain)   
Penny: shh baby I’m coming! You don’t deserve that amount of pain! Is your head ok?  
Wade: no it’s bleeding! A lot! Like I think I’ve lost at least a pint of blood! Hurry please!   
Penny: I will baby but maybe get some rest in the car! Are you tired?  
Wade: yeah I’m really tired! I think I’ll pass out before you get here...  
Penny: wade?... baby?...wade wake up! Come on baby!  
Wade: what?? Where are you? I need to go to see Bruce! Can you bring him? Please?!  
Penny: of course I’m bringing him baby! Don’t sleep ok?   
Wade: ok! Please don’t hang up! I need to talk to you!   
Penny: of course babe! What do you wanna talk about? (Voice breaks) if it’s about this then I don’t really know anything about it!   
Wade: no I just need to hear your voice! Is that your car?   
Penny: yeah I’m gonna come get you! Stay still and take deep breaths!  
Wade: ok!  
(Call ends)

Real life

Penny grabs wades arm and carries him bridal style to the backseat of her car.   
Penny: shh baby it’s ok I’ve got you!  
Wade calms at the sound of her voice and lays down on penny’s lap. Penny places her hand on the cut on his head and examines him closely.   
Wade: it hurts!   
Penny: let me clean it up and then I can stitch it!  
Wade: but cleaning it hurts!  
Penny: only for a second! Come on! You’re deadpool and you can do anything!  
Wade: ok!  
Penny grabs the bottle of antiseptic and cleans up the cut. Wade whimpers a bit but calms down when penny places her hand on his shoulder. Penny then proceeds to stitch it up. Wade let’s this happen without any fussing and before he knows it his head Is fine.   
Wade: I feel dizzy! Can I sleep now?  
Penny: ok but I’m going to wake you up soon!  
Wade nods and closes his eyes. He thinks to himself “why did it hurt so much?” and drifts into dreamland.


	20. Love?

# Chapter 20  
The whole family group chat

(Ironboiss): wade? What happened yesterday? You’re deadpool nothing is supposed to hurt you!

(Killerqueen): I don’t know what happened but it did hurt and it usually doesn’t! Penny? Help me out here?

(Spiderkid): idek wtf happened wade!

(Godsrighteousman): what did happen? I didn’t hear about this!

(Biggreenandstupid): wade got seriously hurt and his body should have healed but it didn’t!

(Killerqueen): cuz I’ve been shaking I’ve been bending backwards till I’m broke watching all my dreams go up in smoke! Let beauty come out of ashes! 

(Spiderkid): enough of the depressing songs! Just bc u can’t get out of bed!

(Birdboy): I’m getting Wanda and Stephen!

(Magicmaximoff): what happened?

(Itsakindofmagic): the magic squad are here!

(Dontstopmenow): what’s going on? Oh hey babe!

(Itsakindofmagic): hi beautiful!

(Killerqueen): can you guys help me with my crappy life? I got seriously hurt and my body didn’t heal like it usually does!

(Itsakindofmagic): ok i was a real doctor and I practice magic now if there’s something going on i can fix it!

(Magicmaximoff): shut up Stephen I have the same abilities as you!

(Dontstopmenow): enough Wanda! And she’s right Stephen so don’t make it out like you’re better!

(Ironboiss): lol family drama!! 

(Deadlyassassin): so is everything going to be ok?

(Itsakindofmagic): Да it should be!

(Ironboiss): i didn’t know you could speak Russian!

(Godsrighteousman): everyone in the fam can speak Russian! Although to be honest I thought Stephen only spoke English!

(Killerqueen): Oh my god Stephen wtf is happening?

(Spiderkid): wtf are you doing Stephen why is he like that?

(Ironboiss): what’s going on baby?

(Spiderkid): wade is...

(Ironboiss): I’m coming sweetheart! I’m bringing ur mom!

(CEOlady): what’s going on?

(Spiderkid): mommy idk what’s happening with wade! 😭😭 

(CEOlady): I’m coming baby! Stay calm!

(Spiderkid): you know that Queen song? Bohemian rhapsody? Well that’s my theme song rn!

(Killerqueen): I’m gonna be fine baby I’m just a little weak! But I’m going to go kill some bxtches soon!

(Spiderkid): I’m gonna come with u then!

(Ironboiss): are you both ok?

(Spiderkid): I think so!

(CEOlady): ok baby so can I go back to work now?

(Spiderkid): yeah! Xx bye mommy! Xxxxxxx

(CEOlady): haha Tony I get so many kisses! I love you 3000 baby!

(Spiderkid): love you too (3000)

(Ironboiss): where’s mine?

(Spiderkid): I love you 1000

(Ironboiss): oh come on!!!

(Spiderkid): jk I love you both 3000!

(Ironboiss): yassssssssssss!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the last chapter for those of you who thought it was!


	21. Eminem!!!!

Chapter 21  
Everyone in a group chat 

(Ironboiss): pepper what did i tell you about insulting Eminem?

(CEOlady): that I’m not allowed to do it! (But tbh Eminem sucks)

(Godsrighteousman): gasp!

(Killerqueen): wade.exe has stopped working 

(Spiderkid): penny.exe has stopped working 

(Hammerqueen): Thor.exe has stopped working 

(Metalarmdude): Bucky.exe has stopped working 

(Birdboy): sam.exe has stopped working

(Biggreenandstupid): Bruce.exe has stopped working 

(Deadlyassassin): natasha.exe has stopped working 

(Ironboiss): don’t you mean natalia.exe?

(Deadlyassassin): nope I don’t like that name! Unless your name is penny, wade or Wanda then I don’t wanna hear that name!

(Ironboiss): ok chill but: May I have your attention, please?  
May I have your attention, please?  
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?  
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?  
We're gonna have a problem here  
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before  
Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door  
And started whoopin' her a** worse than before  
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh!)  
It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding  
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"  
And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots!  
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha!)  
Feminist women love Eminem  
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him  
Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what  
Flippin' the you-know-who, " "Yeah, but he's so cute though."  
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose  
But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms  
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose  
But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose  
"My b** is on your lips, my b** is on your lips"  
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss  
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids  
And expect them not to know what a woman's cl****** is  
Of course they're gonna know what in********* is  
By the time they hit fourth grade  
They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?  
We ain't nothin' but mammals—well, some of us, cannibals  
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes  
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes  
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope  
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote  
Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes  
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records  
Well, I do, so f*** him and f*** you too!  
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?  
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me  
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"  
Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?  
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?  
S***, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs  
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst  
And hear 'em argue over who she gave h*** to first  
Little bxtch put me on blast on MTV  
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee."  
I should download her audio on MP3  
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD  
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups  
All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to destroy you  
And there's a million of us just like me  
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a f*** like me  
Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me  
And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
I'm like a head trip to listen to, ‘cause I'm only givin' you  
Things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room  
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all  
And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all  
I just get on the mic and spit it  
And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it  
Better than 90% of you rappers out can  
Then you wonder: "How can  
Kids eat up these albums like Valiums?"  
It's funny, ‘cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm 30  
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting  
Pinching nurse's a***s when I'm jing off with Jergens  
And I'm ******, but this whole bag of Vi*** isn't working  
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking  
He could be working at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings  
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming, "I don't give a f***!"  
With his windows down and his system up  
So will the real Shady please stand up  
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?  
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control  
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?  
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady  
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating  
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up?  
Ha ha, I guess there’s a Slim Shady in all of us  
F*** it, let’s all stand up!

(CEOlady): noooooooooooo! Why????!!!!!!!!

(Spiderkid): lol yassss!

(Ironboiss): i copied it from google! 

(Godsrighteousman): I’m gonna our that on the car radio next week when we go out for our family picnic at the private beach!

(Ironboiss): i can’t wait!


	22. Family picnic day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing this since 6am lol and I’m sorry about the fourth wall breaks in advance!

# Chapter 22  
Everyone in a group chat 

(Ironboiss): alright squad it’s time to go for the family picnic!

(Godsrighteousman): what are we eating?

(Spiderkid): Mongolian beef! Please?

(Ironboiss): you can eat Mongolian beef but the rest of us are eating something else! Mongolian beef is disgusting!

(Spiderkid): all around me are familiar faces....

(Killerqueen): so you watched vines today....

(Ironboiss): RIP vine!

(Spiderkid): rip my bff!

(Killerqueen): ok are we taking the limo?

(Ironboiss): you bet ur ass!

(Deadlyassassin): Steve doesn’t approve of that kind of talk!

(Godsrighteousman): you know what Romanov?

(Biggreenandstupid): lol!!!!! I’m crying of laughter!

(Godsrighteousman): not that funny!

(Ironboiss): ok squad bring your phones and portable chargers and your Eminem moods!

(Spiderkid): carpool karaoke bxtches!!!!!

(CEOlady): you better stop with the language young lady!

(Arrowboy): lol ur worse than Steve!

(Godsrighteousman): no she’s not Clint!

(Ironboiss): tchalla and shuri are coming down here in the summer! 

(Godsrighteousman): well let’s organise a big disco! But let’s make it private!

(Ironboiss): squad get in the limo now! We’re leaving!

(Hammerqueen): I am on my way to this limo you speak of! Thank you for the invite to this gathering friends!

(Ironboiss): we always invite you!

(Hammerqueen): and I always thank you! 

(Biggreenandstupid): it’s raining men!!!!! Hey babe! Xxxxxx

(Ironboiss): ok that’s on the playlist! It’s raining men hallelujah!

(Godsrighteousman): its raining men every specimen!

(Spiderkid): good job guys now it’s actually raining...

(Ironboiss): we’re still going!!!

(Godsrighteousman): let’s go!  
\---  
Real life events:

They all get into the limo and penny sits on wades lap. Wanda sits on Natasha’s lap and pepper sits on Tony’s. As promised it’s raining men comes on and everyone sings along. Also as expected penny and wade start kissing. Everyone else stared at them until...  
Steve: get a room guys!  
Sam: hey leave em alone Steve!   
Steve looks at Sam with watery eyes and Sam grabs his hand.   
Sam: what’s wrong baby?  
Steve: I’m ruining family picnic day! You don’t want me here!  
Sam: that’s absurd of course we want you here!  
Tony: Steve we need you here because you have the vodka and also because we love you!  
Penny: I need you here uncle Steve! I don’t know if we would be having family picnic day if you weren’t here!  
Steve: thanks guys!  
Penny grabs wade by the neck and kisses him again.  
Wade:mmm....babe....our favourite song is on!  
Eminem-the real slim shady is on the stereo.  
Penny and wade: women wave your pantyhose sing the chorus and it goes....  
Everyone: I’m slim shady yes I’m the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so won’t the real slim shady please stand up please stand up.  
The song continues and so does everyone else.  
They arrive just after the song finishes and they get out to the surprisingly dry beach. Penny brought a speaker with her so she connected it to her phone and wade stole it and picked old town road.  
Penny: I got the horses in the back! I don’t know the rest!  
Wade: I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road I’m gonna ride till I can’t no more!  
Sam grabs the phone and changes it to marshmello’s alone.  
Steve: I’m so alone nothing feels like home I’m so alone trying to find my way back home to you!  
Sam pulls Steve into a tight hug and kisses him on the head.  
Steve: what was that for?  
Sam: that was for the fam but when we get home I’ve got something for you and me to do...  
Steve kisses him on the lips and Sam kisses back.  
Sam: what was that for?  
Steve: for the fam but when we get home I will enjoy doing that thing you promised!  
As if on cue a slow song starts playing. Penny grabs wade and they dance slowly to the beat of the music. Everyone else does the same.  
Penny: who wants food?  
Bruce: pizza?  
Penny: yeah we’ve got pizza! Dad do we have Mongolian beef?  
Tony: of course!  
Steve: sandwiches?  
Tony: yep  
Sam: pasta?  
Tony: yes!  
Just as they’re about to start eating “every breath you take” comes on.  
Penny: since you’ve gone I’ve been lost without a trace I dream at night I can only see your face. I look around but it’s you I can’t replace. I feel so cold and I long for your embrace.   
Wade: I keep crying baby,baby please!  
Tony starts to sing along and everyone else stares at him in awe.   
Steve: I didn’t know you could sing like that!  
Tony: of course I can!  
\---  
Wade: well he can only sing because the author of the story decided to listen to Robert Downey jr singing that dumb ass song!  
\---  
Penny: you’re amazing at that daddy!  
Sam: he really is!  
Steve: Quills calling me! Hang on I’m putting him on speaker!  
Peter: umm can someone come and pick me up? I don’t know where I am or how I got here! (Voice breaks) im sorry im ruining family picnic day! You know what forget it I’ll figure it out.  
Penny: no way are we leaving you to figure it out on your own! I’m driving! Uncle Bruce you can come with me and wade! Everyone else we will be back later!  
Penny calls Peter on her phone so she doesn’t have to take Steve’s.  
Penny: uncle Peter send me your location in a minute but I need to know if you’re hurt first!  
Wade: umm penny should we bring Wanda?  
Penny: yeah just in case!  
Peter: I’m definitely hurt! I feel like I’m dying!  
Penny: ok send me your location we’re bringing Wanda and uncle Bruce!  
Wanda: I’m gonna put Stephen on speed dial just in case! He is the sorcerer supreme!  
Penny: thanks sis!  
\---  
Wade: oh yeah just so you guys know, Wanda and penny were raised like sisters or brother and sister before that! Ok I’m done now! Go back to the story!  
\---  
Wanda: anything for my beloved sister!  
Penny: ok we need to get going!  
Penny starts the car that Tony had Friday bring along.  
Wade switches on the radio and gets a look from penny that says clearly “my uncle could be dying and you’re priority is to turn on the radio!”  
Wade: sorry!  
He turns the radio off to avoid hurting his girlfriend.   
Wade sees penny’s hands shaking.  
Wade: babe it’s going to be ok! I’ve got a plan if Wanda and Stephen can’t help.  
Penny: what?  
Wade: I can transfer my powers to Quill and he will live a happy life!  
Penny: and then he can transfer them back when he’s all healed up! You’re a genius babe!  
Wanda: I can do that because you can’t do that on your own!  
Penny: ok but that’s the worst case scenario!  
Wade: yeah of course it is babe!  
Wanda: ok!  
They eventually arrive at Peter’s location and wade carries Peter into the backseat of the car. As expected Peter is passed out with his head on Wanda’s lap, courtesy of wade.  
Wanda: he’ll be fine but he might need a bit of magic to help him heal. Let’s take him to the mansion on the beach. There’s a medical room in there.  
Penny: ok! I’ll text dad to tell him!  
Wade: do you want me to drive?  
Penny: could you?  
Wade: of course!  
Penny: thanks babe  
Penny texts the rest of her family saying:

Everyone in a group chat 

(Spiderkid): hey everyone, Peter is fine! We’re taking him to the mansion and can we possibly move the picnic there?

(Ironboiss): of course we can move the picnic!

(Godsrighteousman): are you sure he’s going to be ok?

(Magicmaximoff): he’ll be fine! I fixed the cut on his head and I healed his cracked ribs!

(Godsrighteousman): he had cracked ribs? Multiple?

(Magicmaximoff): he had three cracked ribs! But they’re healed up now!

(Spiderkid): thanks so much sis! Xxxxx

(Magicmaximoff): I’ve already told you penny, you don’t have to thank me for anything! It is my pleasure to do a favour for my family!

(Ironboiss): but we can still thank you! You gave up going to the picnic to help him! The least we could do is take you out to dinner or go shopping!

(Magicmaximoff): there is no need for that! Although I do need a new pair of sunglasses because PIETRO broke my other pair! Read the message SNAKE! Yes Pietro i know you’re Reading!

(Dontstopmenow): I did not break the sunglasses! It was the dog! 

(Magicmaximoff): BULL****!!!!!

(Dontstopmenow): no it is not!!!!!!! Ugh whatever! Leave me alone I’m enjoying the cheesecake!  
\---  
Wade: hey readers it’s me again! The author is currently eating cheesecake that’s why she wrote that! Lol I’m annoying you all! Sorry I’ll let you go now!  
This is not going to happen that often so please don’t stop reading because of me breaking the fourth wall! Ok you can actually go now! This is the end of the chapter so I mean actually go and read something more interesting! Wade Wilson out!  
\---


	23. The R Word!

Chapter 23  
Spideypool b*tches

(Spiderkid): wade...I need you!!

(Killerqueen): where are you? What the hell happened? Are you okay? Do I need to kill someone? Can I at least fight someone? Do you need medical attention? Do you need me to carry you home?

(Spiderkid): umm I need you to kill someone??

(Killerqueen): what did they do to you babe?

(Spiderkid): the r word! Well tried to....

(Killerqueen): oh my f*cking god! Why the fxck would anyone do that to my baby?

(Spiderkid): idk but I need you to come get me! The person bolted but it’s a guy from shield!

(Killerqueen): I’m bringing Wanda! She’ll help without snitching right?

(Spiderkid): she should...

(Killerqueen): ok! I’ll be there in five minutes at the most! And rest assured I will find that d*ck even if he’s on the other side of the world! I love you baby! Stay strong for me? I love you so much and I’m so sorry that happened to you! That creature will pay! 

(Spiderkid): I’m trying to stay strong but I feel sick and I’m on the bathroom floor and I can’t move my legs... 

(Killerqueen): shit ok Wanda got Stephen to teleport us in the portal thing... we’re here baby!  
\---  
Real life events:

Wanda: ok sis I’m gonna need you to try and stand!  
Penny: ok I’ll try...  
Wade:hey it’ll be ok babe, I’ve got you!  
Penny starts crying and wade and Wanda try to comfort her.  
Wade grabs her hand and kisses her knuckles softly so she feels more comfortable. Wanda sits down next to her and pulls her head into her own shoulder.  
Eventually penny could finally stand and they managed to get her to the car.  
Penny: he... tried to... he tried to...r..rape me!  
Wade: hey baby... it’s not your fault that he’s a psychopath! I’ve got you now... it’ll all be ok... I promise!  
Wanda: rest assured we WILL catch the psycho who did this to you, my dear sister! We will kill him when we find him but we need a bit of a description of what he looked like?  
Penny: he.. umm....he had dark brown hair and blue eyes....he was short and I think he was a shield agent?  
Wade: oh my god I think I know who you’re talking about.... brock rumlow!  
Penny: yes that’s him!! Can you please not get me involved in your plans though? I feel sick just thinking about what he did...  
Wanda: sister, there is no way in hell we will let him anywhere near you EVER!!!  
Wade: what she said!  
They eventually get back to the tower and Tony is outside looking at them in suspicion.  
Tony: what happened?  
Penny: nothing!  
Tony: ok for future reference... I have microphones in the back of the car so I heard everything you said.... rumlow is going down... in the dirt! He doesn’t get to hurt my baby!  
Pepper: penny! I listened to the recording from the microphone! What happened honey?  
Penny: I...(voice breaks) I don’t know...  
Tony shouts for Steve and Steve takes her inside and lays her down on the couch in the private penthouse living room.  
Steve: ok I’m going out to go kill rumlow! I’ll be back later! Wade, Wanda,Tony do you guys wanna go with me?  
Wade: oh hell yes! I’m ready to kill the son of a bitch!  
\---


	24. Guns and no roses!

# Chapter 24  
Everyone in a group chat

(Spiderkid): wade I’m gonna need a little help at skl!!

(Killerqueen): what happened?

(Ironboiss): ok I’m hacking Karen! Jesus Christ almighty how the hell did that happen?

(Spiderkid): idek but I need a distraction so I can put on the suit! No one gets to shoot up my school! Especially not Brock rumlow!

(Godsrighteousman): ok stay calm we’re coming!

(Spiderkid): no don’t you dare leave the compound! Wade hurry up!! Wanda we might need you and Stephen! 

(Godsrighteousman): ugh fine but me and ur father are watching live footage from Karen! The slightest movement from rumlow and we’re moving our asses over there!

(Ironboiss): yeah what he said! Oh btw wade I would wear your bulletproof suit for this one!

(Killerqueen): no sh*t Sherlock!

(Ironboiss): just warning you!

(Spiderkid): alright it’s spidey time!  
\---  
Real life events:

Penny puts on the spider woman suit and jumps into action. Rumlow has the gun pointed at mj.   
Penny: hey jerk! Up here!   
Rumlow: hello spider woman! Or should I say penny Parker!  
MJ: run loser! I don’t care if he shoots me and you know I hate being soft but I would hate to lose you!  
Rumlow: oh how sweet! This friendship is intoxicating!  
Wade: hey dickhead! We never got to finish that punching session! How about we start again?  
Rumlow: i brought a gun to a fist fight! I guess I win!  
Wade: oh well I brought this baby!  
Wade gestures to his katana and pulls it out along with his own gun which he wasn’t planning to use. In fact he didn’t have anymore ammo so he couldn’t use it anyway.  
Penny: no wade! Don’t you dare use that gun right now!  
Wade puts the gun away and points his katana at rumlow.  
All the kids are staring at them in shock. Flash Thompson jumped out from under the table and ran towards the door trying desperately to escape the classroom.  
Penny: ok flash get back under the table!! Now! Thompson I mean it!!  
As if on cue the door opens and in walk Wanda and Stephen.   
Stephen: afternoon rumlow! What mayhem are you causing today?  
Rumlow: I don’t think that’s any of your business Strange!  
Wanda: oh sorry about his behaviour he’s just annoyed that you would stoop this low! Who shoots up a school rumlow? Your more idiotic than I thought!  
Penny: are you forgetting what he did to me? That’s right rumlow you’ve really done it! We all knew about hydra but we were willing to overlook it! Look where that got us! You betrayed us all! You stabbed shield in the back! You committed serious crimes! You decided to shoot up a school! What happened to make you like this?  
MJ: ok dick it’s time to put the god damn gun down! You hurt penny and you were about to shoot my friends! Put the gun down and I might consider persuading penny to not kill you! If you don’t put it down then I’ll let penny and wade punch you to death!  
Wanda: put it down rumlow!!  
Wade: ok if you insist!  
Wade grabs rumlow by the wrist and starts punching him with his free hand. Eventually rumlow fights back so wade grabs his katana and knocks the gun out of his hand. Stephen grabs the gun and throws it through a portal so no one can get it.   
\---  
To be continued....


	25. Posting in a month!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I’m back but I’m considering continuing on Wattpad instead...

I’m back from my little break but I’m considering using Wattpad instead. I prefer using the Wattpad format because it’s really easy and I’m using an iPhone so I don’t constantly log out of Wattpad as soon as i close the browser. Let me know what you think i should do! 


	26. Discord server for ideas and support!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have made a discord server!

So it’s pretty self explanatory but I have a new discord server and I will be getting ideas from there! If u wanna rp then go there! If u want support for ur book or fanfic I will help! If u have an idea for this fanfic I will see it! Join the server:  
https://discord.gg/HyJBbWz


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